You can't quit being mom

Today has been a very hard day. B had a major tantrum in McDonalds today. We only went because it is his birthday. I was and am so incredibly upset and embarrassed. We came home and have been spending the afternoon doing regular house stuff, except ds was sent to his room so it was quiet. Dd and I baked a cake for ds' birthday. It had cooled and I frosted it. Dd and ds were decorating it together and I came to do an internet check in. Dd had been using it and in another tab she had a message between her and her dad on myspace up. In it she told him that today was ds' birthday and it would be just another day of her being ignored. I am so. fucking. over. it.

I have spent the entire summer running here, there and everywhere. I spend more money on gas in one month than I usually spend in 4 or more. I make sure to pick out movies that dd and I can watch together. I take her out at least once a week to do something special with just me. I take the boys out to places that I know B might have a tantrum so that she has something to do. I scoped out friends for her before she got here. I go out of my way to pick up the girl that lived next door to us in the old house to go to the waterpark with us so dd has a friend there. I barely have any time to myself, ever, because when I would usually take time to myself I spend it alone with her. I even get up early in the morning to have sex with my husband because she likes to stay up late. I bend over backwards to accommodate her and she is telling her dad that I am ignoring her.

Once I calmed down a little I confronted her very calmly. I told her that I saw the message and it hurt me very much to see that she was telling her dad that I was ignoring her when I had
been running on overtime for the past month and a half to do things especially to make her happy. I told her that she may not use my computer anymore and asked if she had anything she would like to say. She said no and I went outside to cry. Today sucks. At least ds2 is being pretty well behaved. And now I am off to make a special dinner that dd will eat that dh, ds2 and I will also eat instead of making a separate dinner for ds1, dd and the remaining 3 of us.